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37 comments:
It has been said that one marries a person, not the family. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. Any number of reasons, real or perceived or imagined, can and are often used against a person. Gay, straight, black, Asian, Catholic, Protestant, short, tall, rich, poor, ..., the list is endless. I have hope that one day, people will accept one's chosen loved one for just who he/she is and be happy at that.
Damn anonymous #1. You've just made my day. I share in that hope for that day too. It's good to know another good, nice man exists in this cold, cruel world.
I read this episode with intrigue and self reflection. As a gay man of color, I too have had to put up a wall. I was first kissed by a man/boy when I was 16. I remember that euphoric feeling. My older brother was in the next room while me and my lover kissed. When my lover left, I was confronted by my older brother who in turn raped me. Rumors flew around my town of my sexuality and I was forced to hide because I didn't want to hurt my mother. I also pushed my lover away into the arms of another man and was devastated. (even though we ended up together for a time). My father threatened me with "busting my head open with a bat". Churches shunned me even though, they were trying to get into my pants. So I joined the Navy and left Ohio. I was hunted down and sexually assaulted while in the Navy by a married white man. I spoke up and he was punished. I also started speaking up about my brother raping me.
I entered into the gay scene full force and was met with such statements as: "monkey man" , "nigger" and "mandingo" by white gay men and I tried to push it down and pretend that those names and reactions didn't bother me. I exclusively dated white men (my first kiss was with a black man)I even dated older white gay men and it proved to be a disaster! The threats, racial slurs, economic dependence, cheating with relatives and oppression was too much and again, I left and vowed to never exclusively date another white guy. This time I went to the Army Reserve.
I was sexually harassed within the Army Reserve and was told that I could fight for my country because I "was a distraction" I told the truth and was forced into mental and emotional angst as my entire Chain of Command within the 730th Transportation security company came down on me. I along with other black men was being touched by a married sexual predator. The bullying and suicide thinking led me to finally stood up and started embracing violent and negative behavior.
I became obsessed with perfection physically and I took up martial arts and such to make sure that it doesn't happen to me again. So when you think that you know someone, think again because I will never be a victim again because it costs way too much. They say that monsters are in movies but that's weird because I always thought that they were in our environment.
This is the ONLY episode that I deem to be real and true along with the haunting episode of Gabriel Fernandez. Did I cry at either episode? I won't reveal that, after all, I have to maintain that wall for protection at all costs. This is why I feel that Lance/Drew have the most authentic relationship of the strip. I believe that it's for this reason that a lot of readers relate to them and why they consistently get more input on their stories. Do I want Lance with Matt? Yes. Do I want him with Eduardo? Yes but as much as I HATE to admit it, he's better with Drew and Drew is better with him! UGH! Lance has Drew to be open with, some of us have no one......How sad that is.....
Jack
Thank you for this installment Greg.
After reading the above comments, I feel silly just writing that I want Lance and that Big Hunk of Georgia Peach to rip their clothes off and have the hottest and most tender sex until the cows come home!! But I do.
Greg, that was beautiful. So have the comments been thus far. Thank you.
Thank you for bringing up the ugly subject of racism in the gay community.
That was different. It's a sad reality that racism exist to begin with, but to even exist in a group where we already know how hard it is to be "different". We don't need to add more to the fire.
This why I love this strip, funny, yet relevant with the real issues.
Alas, we also get to see that Lance has a heart after all, which I suspected all along.
Thanks Greg for your gift to us.
I loved seeing the depth of Lance's character. It gave him the reason of why he is. I hope it's a turning point in his relationship with Drew, it not the other housemates.
Jack, that's very unfortunate you had to endure all that by yourself throughout, what i assume, most of your life. Do you blame all white people, though? Because the shenanigans going on between you and Ryan escalated with you saying some pretty racist things.
Are you seeing a counselor or therapist for any of the emotional scarring?
I AM seeing a therapist and through this individual, I have started to actually speak white people now. Do I blame all white people? No Are all white people evil? No. You state that I made some racist statements, well he did as well and I'm not the guy to be a victim to someone else's whims. Never again....However, I blame black people equally and in fact more because they want to use homophobia as a way to incite fear as well as the gay community at large. I have had more racism and discrimination directed at me from gay people than any other individuals.
But as a result of reading this episode, I told my family to accept as a whole individual or let me go. They declined but I feel much more freer. This is was very powerful episode that Greg wrote. Empowering.
This is good relationship between Lance/Drew but I have not met a white guy that was that depth of understanding. I'm not saying that they aren't out there though.
Everything is a work in progress and scars remain but I will conquer this
Jack
I keep wondering about those "racist" comments, Jack. Care to enlighten me (?), because I sure as science, don't see anything remotely racist with what I write. If you can't even clear up this misunderstanding, then this will just fester into something gross and unnecessary.
(I need specific paraphrase with why you believe it to be racist)
Happy Hump Day
Ryan
I'm curious too what he said was racist jack
I've already let him know and I'm not a tape recorder. If you want my responses to what he said then it's in the last episode. I'm not repeating myself....
Moving on: the episode was very well written and soul searching. It's about time that this topic was approached. What is surprising is the lack of response here about this episode. It appears as if the gay community or it's members within it don't like talking about these matters not related to seeing someone in his or her underwear. The is the first time that Lance has even mentioned his family or previous lovers and it's the first time that he let his guard down since his first relationship.
Jack
Ryan has...a very colorful language. I've read how both of you interacted but I still don't see anything wrong or pointing towards racist remarks.
You sure you're not seeing things jack?
I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds like your mad at his comment about ethnic foods...Just my 2 cents
What would your therapist say if you leave issues unresolved. Avoiding that conversation you NEED to have with Ryan isn't the healthiest thing for your own well-being. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but it can't be worse than what you've been through already.
Greg is one of the very few GWM who gets it. Thank you, Greg.
I DID take offense at his comments for me to get off the computer and "cook ethnic foods" What do you think that he was talking about? Toenail polish? ...Moving right along....
Do you all know that a RECENT study has shown found that The survey found that 80% of Black men, 79% of Asian men, 75% of South Asian men, and 64% of mixed race men have personally experienced racism on the gay scene? Source: www.pinknews.co.uk/.../80-percent-of-black-gay-men-have-e...
I don't need to have this conversation with Ryan because he can't see my point of view and because of this, I'm sure my therapist would state that I would not need to elicit his validation....Now back to this EPISODE which was very powerful, well drawn and well written...
Any other insights?
Jack
Wow Jack I don't know what he was talking about...ethnic cuisine maybe? Where the hell does toenail polish even come up? YOu're so right. I don't know what I was thinking... "cook ethnic food" isn't racist. It sounds more like a blanket statement that includes different cultures not native to the US.
Other insights? Heres 1 - leave the sarcasm at the door or gtfo. No one appreciates your disrespect. Go play your sanctimonious games with Ryan but don't treat me or others like they're idiots.
...wow, Drew's sad tears... :(
...lovely episode, Greg, gives us some more insight to the Lance character.
Being a GBM myself, I had an intuitive feeling about Lance's past; I've seen some of the familial rejection myself.. but it helps more when it is explained somewhat to different races of the social, religious, & ethnic obstacles GBM's face when becoming involved with Caucasian Gay Men...to this DAY, it's never really mentioned.
Gay White Men can be ANY way they want to be, but GBM's have to achieve MORE, to conform MORE (& sad to say, would BE accepted more if they had smokin' HOT bodies, Bubble butts, & thick...things...)
Drew seems to REALLY care for Lance to 'warm up', & honestly, for the longest time, I thought the Lance character was at the B&B more as the token "Misunderstood Mean Guy"; but Price seems to has slipped into that part, and now we're seeing a more 'balanced' REAL (& flawed) character.
...now, Lance, you go dry that hurt cutie Drew's tears, and bang that Dixie Peach with all the LOVE you muster!!
Sean: He didn't mention "ethnic cuisine" he mentioned "ethnic FOODS" he wasn't specific. If you don't want to be treated like an idiot then use your head. It's all in a matter of perception as he wasn't really being specific as stated before. MY perception that he was being racist and I responded accordingly. And....? But don't tell me what I can and can't do. Seriously. I'll use sarcasm if I want to....MOVING right along: what did you think of the episode
Jack
I absolutely enjoyed this latest installment of Greg's comic strip. This helps to put a face on what a person can sometimes encounter with an interracial relationship. I loved the positive outcome of Lance and Drew's relationship. Panel #8 was especially moving for me because the tears that Drew sheds conveyed a plethora of different emotions: understanding, empathy, connection and mostly love.
Unfortunately, not in my lifetime do I think the issues of race, gender, social standing or how people interact will ever be completely resolved. There will always be the resistance to "mix" (nor am I suggesting that a person or group has to). As a person of color, I am well aware that my very presence can make some feel ill at ease. I've learned to live with it. Unlike some, I can see beyond that which is on the surface.
Greg, keep enlightening and entertaining us with your very endearing insight.
Thank you again very, very much!
Anthony
Anthony: I just don't get why discussing these things have to be such a big deal. Even Michael Sam has said that he experienced gay racism more than black homophobia. I agree that this was VERY well written and drawn. Unfortunately, gay black men have had it worse than any other classification of men on this planet. This is something that the gay community at large should look into because it's hard to be for gay rights and such when they don't include everyone. I am still amazed that a lot of gay people don't know who Bayard Rustin is and have never seen the documentary: "Tongues Untied" and "Paris Is Burning"
Jack
I'm probably not going to post anything else here after this, but I will continue to read the comic strip every two weeks. I'm not one to bicker on an unsolvable issue.
Anthony.
Anthony: It's solvable but I don't know if individuals within the community are willing to even try. That being said: Greg wrote a very powerful issue and it's no wonder that this particular couple gets more response than any other couple within the strip. I am surprised that Lance opened up to him when Lance was closed off to everyone. Hopefully this will open dialogue on a very touchy issue within the gay community such as gay racism. Good luck in the future.
Jack
Cuisine is food jack. You're just arguing over the definition of something trivial as a tomato to a chocolate cherry variety. Do you honestly have to try and prove you're right with everything. Because you just sound like a butthole at this point. Using the racist card over the word "ethnic food"... So immature for a "man"
Cuisine IS food. But he didn't say cuisine, he said ETHNIC foods. I took it as a racist remark and that's my prerogative. I don't have to "prove" anything to anyone first of all I could care less who YOU think that I sound either so keep your short sighted opinion to yourself....Greg wrote and has drawn a very good episode laden with VERY good points starting with: (1) gay racism (2) black homophobia (3) trust issues and lastly (4) personal freedom. Would you care to stick to the topic and respond to those or are you one of those queens who thrive on drama to escape the TRUE issues within the gay community?
Jack
Hohohoho!
You're doing it again, Snickers. CARING a bit more than the minimum amount you COULDN'T care less.
It's like you just lurk around on this message board to talk to people without faces or repercussions of being put in an awkward confrontation. Hahaha
I just came to see if you were playing nicely. Shame on you for driving people away with your bullying, you racist.
You can have you short sighted opinion on ethnic food, but you can't tell other people to keep their opinions to themselves in a PUBLIC forum, which Greg has graciously allowed any person to do.
This isn't your little pond where you're the big fish. Neither does the world orbit around you. Ain't it fun living in thr real world?
Greg: You wrote such a powerful episode that NO ONE wants to dare to address it in any real way. They would rather talk about "cuisine" than to deal with REAL issues at hand. It was good seeing Lance open up to Drew. This couple has dealt with some major issues! I would like to see Lance go back to dancing though, just a suggestion.
Jack
Stop being such a bitter old man Jack. GAWD we get it! You like the comic. You're just being a petty fool now with your "prerogative". Sounds more like entitlement because your a special snowflake because of your race. Stop whining and grow up.
I see you put yourself as anonymous, but I will not allow you to be a typical queen and mar this issue. "Entitlement" whatever cupcake. Get over yourself
Jack
My goodness. You're still here cracker jack. Or do you prefer blackjack. You have diarrhea of the mouth? You keep talking blah blah hehe. I want to see how long this can go on candyboy. *wink*
OK, guys, I need to step in here and say "Enough". I try to stay off of this message board as I believe it is the readers' forum, and not my place to add additional commentary. However, when things escalate, (or perhaps "devolve" is a better description), in the way this has, I need to say something.
I appreciate both of your enthusiasm for the comic strip, truly. But this kind of back & forth attack has really gone far enough. I don't even understand what it's all about, it's so convoluted and venomous. I have to ask you,to what end? Is it really worth all of the antagonism you're whipping up? Do you feel good about yourself, about the world, after hurling these insults back & forth? I can't imagine that would be possible.
No, I'm not going to get drawn into this quagmire. I'm not going to weigh in on who is "right" or "wrong", (with all of this anonymous posting, it's hard to even tell who is saying what, anyway). It all just sounds like one big, loud, mean, shouting match.
This website, just like Kyle's B&B, is a place where people should feel warm and welcome. And if you're fans of the comic strip, and I do believe you are, then you will "get" what I am saying. Please stop. Please be kind, be gentle. There's enough madness in the world. Let this be a place of kindness and warmth.
Thank you.
I apologize, Greg. I'm sure you didn't want to see something so divisive especially on your comic. It was very immature on both our parts to have this shouting match to see who could come out on top.
If I've learned anything, is that Jack and I are two very different people. The exact opposite. He comes from a world full of racism and hardships which I probably couldn't imagine happening so prevalent now, while I come from a background where I have people who support my endeavors.
I do know that it first started over a debate over two comics ago after I questioned his analogy on art and age. Then it devolved, then escalated from then on.
I sincerely apologize,
Ryan
so where do you all stand on Donald Drumpf's comment on where women bleed ?
Eehh... Can anyone really educate a misogynist with such a big ego? It would have been a surprise if he actually apologized for comments unbecoming to a whole lot of demographics. Yet here we are, with people supporting a candidate with 0 experience as a politician who basically panders to fear and loathing.
I have tried to ignore the comments here a lot because it became more about "ethnic cuisine" than the actual episode itself, which I tried to steer it back to on NUMEROUS occasions. Certain people here I won't speak to because they only see ONE way and my own story was mocked here, by.....gay people. I am not sorry for standing up for myself. People who don't understand that never will. There are many, many racial issues within the gay community. And instead of addressing and even discussing, it became something of a distraction. For example: 80% of gay black men, 79% of Asian men and 74% of biracial men all have felt racism within the community. To me that's FAR more important than "ethnic cuisine" ever will be. Look at the MANY attempts to bait me into a conversation that had NOTHING to do with the episode, look at the racially charged names used to describe me. THIS is why so many ethnic gays don't trust white gay men outside of the bedroom. But again, that's another subject to avoid, right?
No one is trying to involve you Greg in taking sides. In fact, I complemented you on this episode even though I was really was rooting for Lance and Drew to break up. I'm glad that they didn't. I CLEARLY stated that this was the most powerful issue that was written in this strip following the harrowing story of that poor baby Gabriel Fernandez' torture.
Jack
If you can't admit that you were also wrong in exacerbating the arguments drawn out to this point, it's not much of point to make. Your own prejudices and prerogatives don't give you that luxury. At this point, you don't bring anything to the table and just throw Ryan under the bus.
You've engaged in ad hominem fallacies since your arguments began and paint yourself the victim of your own ego.
This is a comic. This isn't a forum to discuss such paramount social issues as racism and apparently your personal issues. Has anyone besides Ryan discussed any of these topics with you? The answer is no.
Beautifully done, Greg.
Thank you for giving these characters room to breathe and be reflections of the community we have all touch upon or live in.
Just...thank you. *BIG HUGS*
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